Yesterday I went on a hike that was identified on AllTrails as an “easy to moderate” one and 3.6 miles in length. It was about 92 degrees out and you may think that I was nuts! I lead a group in my local community, and I picked this trail because it had a waterfall. I thought it would be a nice treat for a cool-off point. I wish I could say that I am in the shape I want to be in, but I am not, and I am working to get there – so the hike was tough. We had a great group; there were 5 of us in total. All ages, abilities, etc.

We got to a point where there was a steep hill – the length unknown and I really needed to take it slow. As I was climbing up, I remembered one of my coaches from Team in Training when I was preparing for the 2006 Boston Marathon – his name was Rick. Rick was an elite runner and an amazing coach. Of the many things he did to prepare us well for marathon day one thing he said was to find him at the half marathon mark in Wellesley – right near the community center during the race. He would have a message for us that would get us through to the finish line. On race day 2006, I had to use a host of inspirational games to get me to mile 13.1 when I would see Rick and he would give me the message that would get me to the end. Now I was a “back of the pack” runner – which means I was slow. My best running time was a 12-minute mile. For me, that was an amazing time I worked up to. A real triumph and accomplishment. So, on race day 2006, I was getting close to mile 13.1 and I was anxiously looking for Rick. It was hard to locate him with the many people and the uncertainty of where he would be. But after scouring the area, I saw him crouched down in the middle of the road. Ahhh, there was Rick. Rick was going to have an important message for me that would get me through to the finish line. As I was looking at him with pure attention, I was thinking okay Rick what do you have for me? And soon I saw him taking his finger and tapping his temple. And I thought, “what”? What was Rick doing? And then it became clear as day. Rick was telling me it was all in my head! It was a mental game that I needed to continue to play and getting to the finish line was all in my head. Okay, Rick, I got it! I took that message right down Boylston Street and finished the race strong! So, what was the connection yesterday while I was on my hike? Well, climbing that endless hill required a mental game. I also want to add there were other elements at play. I was with an amazingly supportive group of people who waited patiently for each other, encouraged everyone, and made sure that we were all okay. Rick’s message was an important one – small, medium, and tough challenges are largely mental.

You do not have to become someone you are not!

I often hear from my coaching clients that they have this belief and feeling that for them to be successful they need to be and become someone they are not. For some reason, the route to success is the journey of adopting a mask, a persona, which does not actually fit, and that belief causes them angst.

For example, many of my clients are introverts who believe that to be an effective communicator and leader they must be loud, gregarious, outgoing, and resemble all the attributes of an “extrovert”. This thought causes a lot of distress and stress. Why? Because feeling as though they must become and act like others who demonstrate those extroverted qualities makes them feel unworthy and that the goal is unattainable.

What if you did not have to become that person? The person who is highly sociable, the first to respond, the “shoot from the hip” communicator? What if you could lean in, amplify and 10X who you already are?

The world does not need any more duplicate copies of others – the world needs you; exactly as you are and to express the best and highest version of you!

Getting to that place of peace within yourself starts with finding out and owning exactly who you are, what you bring to the table, identifying the amazing qualities and gifts you bring, and the loving and lovable person you are … it is this journey that we are all taking.

So start by identifying 3-5 things that you are the go-to person for – what do people seek you out for and what is it that they look to you for your expertise, experience, and wise counsel? Feel free to share. I would love to hear.

I hear from a lot of my clients that they just need motivation, or that they are waiting to be motivated to do that “thing.”

So here is my theory on motivation. A lot of us wait for that inspirational moment or that motivational thrust that launches us into action. I would say that may work some of the time. But it is a gamble. When is it coming? Is it coming? And if it comes, motivation can wane. It could be there in the beginning when we are all geared up and excited and then fizzle shortly after.

There is another way to approach this notion of motivation. Make a commitment, DO IT and the Motivation will come!

I heard this great definition of commitment the other day from a motivational speaker Randy Taylor. He says, “the definition of commitment is the continuation of an activity in the apparent absence of results.”

I love that – so the willingness to stick with doing an activity knowing that you will not see immediate results! Or as Jim Rohn said, “success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day.”

So, when I was training for my various marathons, I had to set up my training schedule. I was supposed to run 5 days a week and since I am a morning person, I knew it was better to plan my runs for the morning. So, I would get up at about 5 am, have my coffee ready, my running gear out, and ready so all I had to do was get up, brush my teeth, jump into my gear, have my cup of coffee and head out. I had to make it almost mechanical, robotic, and as effortless as I could.

Now let me tell you, there was not one shred of motivation that I had at 5 am, heading out to run anywhere from 4 – 8 miles in the dark, freezing New England winter morning. NOTHING!!

What I did do was that I made the commitment to run this race, this marathon that I knew if I did not prepare myself, I would never finish. So, I committed and just did it … and as I was doing it …. Voila! The motivation came. It was a wild experience because as I was out there running, and sometimes it took a few miles but most of the time, the inspiration, the fire, and the motivation would hit me. If I waited for it … my tuchass would never have gotten out the door.

So, commitment over motivation is key! Taking action will create and ignite your motivation. Do not wait until you are motivated to create change! Action will create your motivation!

Is everyone in a bad relationship with their workplaces these days? The short answer to that question is probably not. Some employer and employee relationships are on solid footing. They are working through issues and finding ways to balance the business goals and the human needs of its people. At the same time, we have moved into a new era where the workforce is advocating for itself in new and different ways. Folx are evaluating their work cultures and making decisions if it is a conducive place for them to grow and thrive.

I decided to focus on those work environments where less than favorable dynamics and relationships exist. I have done so as many of my coaching clients are bringing work situations to the table that reflect toxic environments and I wanted to dig in.

I will be exploring this topic in a series, breaking it into three sections. This first article will cover what is a toxic work culture and the ingredients that comprise one. The second article will focus on strategies on how to navigate and manage a toxic culture and the third article will be centered around identifying when you know you need to leave and how to do so on your terms.

As mentioned above, I decided to focus on this topic as I found in my coaching practice, that my clients, colleagues, and friends were using the term “toxic work culture” often to describe their work environment. It almost seems as though the number of people that are feeling drained and depleted at work is on the rise. An article by Forbes says that there “has been a general assumption that low compensation is driving The Great Resignation. But according to a recent report from MIT Sloan Management Review, employees are quitting their jobs in droves because of toxic workplace culture, not low pay. In fact, the report says toxic workplace culture is 10.4 times more likely to contribute to an employee quitting.”

As a Career Development Coach, I receive requests daily to assist in navigating dynamics at work, especially the unhealthy ones. Dealing with negative workplace issues is certainly not new. What is different now? Has the pandemic been a tipping point that has lent us to discuss this more openly? Do leaders and organizations need to take more responsibility for the work experience of their employees? Have the number of people who are resigning in this Great Resignation shout a commanding statement to organizations about how they need to make changes to address the human needs of their workforce? Are these relationships that are ending between employee and employer requiring us to look at the current workplace dynamics that exist and figure out how to be and do better? I think so.

The prevalence of toxic workplace culture is widespread. It can come in all shapes, exist in all industries, live in for-profit and nonprofit organizations, and impact employees from all walks of life. So, where do we begin to unpack this plight and how do you as an individual make decisions about your work life that fits and serves you to be and do your best? How do you figure out if you are in a toxic culture and what can you do about it? Although defining a toxic workplace culture may be a bit tricky it may help to start with identifying the ingredients that exist in such a culture and the impact it has on us as whole human beings.

In a BBC article by Katie Bishop, Katie notes “A toxic workplace is a context in which abusive behaviors are almost normalized,” says Thomas Roulet, a professor of organizational theory at the University of Cambridge Judge Business School. “It’s both about how people behave poorly, and how others are affected. A toxic workplace is often also riddled with political behaviors – individuals trying to gain influence without thinking about the consequences for their collaborators.”

Others have stated that it is not just having a bad experience or a challenging week, it is the day-to-day, sometimes the moment-to-moment experiences that occur. These situations can be jolting to the mind and body. They may raise anxiety levels and create a myriad of negative feelings that over time play havoc on our psyche. It can strip away our confidence and self-esteem. It can make us second guess ourselves and our decisions. It can flow into how we approach our work creating hesitancy and doubt. It can diminish our productivity, efficiency, and accuracy. It can bleed into our interpersonal relationships both in and outside of work and its tentacles can touch every aspect of our lives.

A coaching client, Mary, who has been working within an organization for about a year as a manager shared with me that they and their colleagues are on edge when their boss is around. They report having personal experiences and have witnessed that when mistakes occur their boss uses a shaming approach and humiliates them publicly. One of their direct reports shared they are in fear of “doing something wrong.” They do not want to be on the receiving end of their boss’s wrath if they fail. This has become a major stressor for Mary as the fear of “messing up” has started to affect their usual good judgment and decision-making. Their high level of confidence has been eroding and they are utilizing coaching to troubleshoot strategies on how to manage the impact.

So, how do you know if you are working within a dysfunctional culture? As stated by Thomas Roulet, toxic cultures normalize abusive behaviors. The people around you may be acting as if the scenarios that you are questioning seem perfectly okay; that these elements are the norms of that community, and the goal is to have you conform to those norms. You may question and wonder if it is you? Are you the only one that thinks things are a bit out of whack? However, when you keep hitting up against situations that scream “red flags” and there are tell-tale signs of things not feeling right you may start to acknowledge the reality of the type of culture that you are within.

The variables in a toxic culture can be subjective based on each of our own personal tolerances and thresholds. Here are some clues that I have heard from coaching clients and have experienced firsthand. Look to see if you can identify with any or several of these listed below.

· Dreading going into and being at work.

· Difficulty managing their managers. Navigating less than stellar bosses, micromanagers, and often narcissistic personalities.

· Living in a “Yes” culture. Fearful of speaking up. Witnessing and/or experiencing repercussions when voicing any variance from the status quo.

· No room for mistakes and fear of making a mistake.

· Lack of a psychologically safe environment to share openly, candidly, and honestly. Fear of being on the “outs” with the “in” group.

· Lack of a diverse, equitable, and inclusive environment.

· Colleagues that are gossipy, cliques, and exclude others. A culture of talking behind others’ backs and a lack of being candid and open with others.

· Colleagues that lack motivation and commitment.

· Signs of favoritism.

· Little to no room to grow. Unclear career paths and lack of opportunity to develop and enhance professional skill sets. No sense or indicator of any forward professional movement.

· Feelings of burnout with no sight of letting up.

· Major challenges creating a healthy work-life balance and integration. Lack of respect for your personal time and no boundaries when reaching out to communicate, i.e.., after hours, late nights, weekends, etc. for issues that do not require immediate or urgent attention.

· Poor, inconsistent, and/or conflicting communication.

· Experiences of being singled out, scapegoated, and targeted.

· Visceral gut feelings that something is way off and does not feel good. Feeling depleted and drained rather than energized and rejuvenated.

This is not meant to be an exhaustive list. You may experience one or several of these elements and others that are not identified. And as you can imagine, these elements can and will take a toll; mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, and touch every area of our lives. When your workday ends the residual effects go home with you. It languishes into your home life impacting your loved ones. Many of the important people in your world are negatively affected by the ramifications of working within an unhealthy culture.

Toxic work situations can play out by increasing levels of anxiety that you feel while in and outside of work. It can consume your thoughts by taking up valuable real estate in your head. It can impact your sleep, motivation, energy, and productivity. Your ability to develop and grow as a person and professional can be compromised. Your level of confidence may plunge, and self-doubt may seep in. The negative cumulative effects are plentiful. So how do you deal with, put a stop to and preserve yourself within such a climate?

You can start with using the I AM process; identity, acknowledge, and move to gather and troubleshoot options.

The first step, like most, is to identify what you are feeling and experiencing. Write down the situations, events, and emotions that are elicited and felt by you. It may help to keep a journal and jot down notes that will help you reflect and review for a later time. It is a good practice to keep a record of those situations as you may need to refer to them later. Give your experiences a name.

Second, acknowledge that something is up. Take the situation for what it is. Trust your gut, trust your instincts, and refer to the elements noted above. If you can check off several of the elements, that may be a good sign that you may be working within a toxic culture.

Pay attention to what your body, mind, and soul is telling you. What emotions get triggered at work? What are your stress levels? How has your work been affected? How has your home life been impacted? Identify and check in with those that you consider your wise counsel, whether that is a mentor, colleague, former supervisor, family member, or friend. Access your support systems.

And lastly, move to gather and troubleshoot options. Identify a plan for how you can take care of yourself for the immediate time being and identify your long-term options. You may want to request some needed time off to sort things out, get some distance and clarity. You may want to focus on your health and wellness and reactivate activities that help you recharge and bring you joy. You may seek out a therapist or hire a career coach to help you navigate this situation.

As stated above, many, in the workforce are leaving their jobs due to toxic workplace cultures. We know that people do their best when they are amongst a team that values, respects and provides a sense of belonging. In these environments, we can grow, thrive, and contribute our highest and truest selves.

Taking a step back and evaluating your current situation can be the first step in figuring out how to make sense of what you are experiencing. Use the I AM strategy to stop the madness and get centered. Focusing on your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being is a priority. The poem below is a good reminder.

“I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes, this is my busy – and I will not apologize for it.” ― Brittin Oakman

As a Certified Career Development Coach, I learned the most valuable lessons on how to create impact from my days working with youth. When I was 19 years old, I started to work in the human service field. I spent the first 11 years of my professional life working in residential treatment programs with kids who had a variety of emotional and behavioral challenges.

These brave youth came from diverse backgrounds and were struggling in their homes, schools, and communities. For them to be deemed eligible to enter our facilities, they had to have been demonstrating levels of danger to either themselves, others, or to the community at large.

These were kids that had sustained significant trauma in their backgrounds. As a result, their acts of danger sent out red flags that they needed help.

Each youth had their own individual story. They came with their unique set of circumstances. These were courageous and resilient teenagers. Of the hundreds of youth that I worked with, each of them taught me lessons far greater than I ever taught them.

I was drawn to the human service field, like so many others, because I wanted to make an impact and a difference in someone’s life. My grandfather, Dr. Joseph Flanz, was a psychiatrist in the 1930s and ’40s. Although I never had the chance to meet him, I knew that embedded in my DNA, my grandfather and I shared the same desire to understand what makes us do what we do and to help and serve others.

One of the greatest lessons I gained was becoming clear on the elements of influencing and creating an impact in another person’s life. The 11 years that I spent working directly with youth in crisis allowed me to gain a perspective and develop strategies that transcended into my leadership tool belt.

Here are the four ingredients that I want to share that will generate impact as a leader.

· Time,

· Rapport Building,

· Consistency and a Never-Ending Persistence.

#1 TIME

Yes, impact takes time. The exact amount of time varies from organization to organization, project to project, employee to employee, or client to client. The time frame can often be unclear however showing your investment and demonstrating that you will be “in it” can speak volumes.

I recall seeing a former client working at a video store several years after she graduated from one of the residential treatment programs. Yes, remember the days of VHS tapes and video rental stores?

When I entered the video store I turned around swiftly when I heard someone screeching my name in excitement to find this former client working at the register. She was then in her 20’s, a student in college studying psychology, looking healthy and together. She started telling me how much she appreciated all I had done for her those years earlier. Her memory was vivid and clear and for all the challenges that she presented with six years earlier it was clear that some of the messages my team and I had sent had stuck! Yes, the impact had been achieved!

As a leader, your impact will develop over time. You may not see it, feel it or experience it right away or ever but know that what you do will be remembered. It may take time for all the seeds that you sow as a leader to grow and show themselves within your team. Your efforts will not be lost and will eventually take form.

#2 RAPPORT BUILDING

Impact requires developing and sustaining healthy relationships. Since most of what we do as leaders involves a relational aspect, creating rapport with your team will drive your connection and levels of influence. Being skilled at building and nourishing your relationships is an important tool for all leaders.

When I would encounter a youth that bucked at me, challenged almost every request, and seemed to have little interest in what I had to say, I would focus heavily on working to build our relationship. I would center on them; learn their interests, pay attention to their preferences, their likes, and dislikes and look for some way to find commonality and link between us. Most of the time, I would be able to find an “in” with those kids and from there doors opened.

Relationship building is a key ingredient to gaining greater leadership impact! When you take the time to learn about your team, decipher their strengths, interests, and pet peeves you will send a message that they are important. They’re important enough to invest your time and energy to learn and understand who they are and what they bring to the table.

Rapport drives impact! Your focus and emphasis on developing healthy professional relationships and sustaining them as a leader will reap positive rewards.

#3 & #4 CONSISTENCY AND A NEVER-ENDING PERSISTENCE

Impact also requires a high level of consistency and never-ending persistence. I am referring to, that “do as I do not as I say” adage and that “never give up attitude” that you should embrace with others.

Now, consistency, when working with troubled teenagers or any teenager for that matter is essential. They would try to find any loophole they could to avoid developing trust and confidence. One reason is that they had experienced many adults in their lives who had let them down. My approach with youth was to be even, steadfast and true to my word. That approach paid high rewards.

You may encounter, as a leader, that members of your team had negative experiences with their previous manager, and you may be working to dissolve a bad illusion of another leader. Don’t get me wrong, there are obvious situations where leaders should draw the line, create boundaries and maintain a healthy threshold. However, in relation to working with your team, a high level of consistency and persistence will breed confidence others will have in you and subsequently in themselves.

By showing a high level of consistency and a persistent attitude that you believe in your team, you will be a leader role modeling an image that will boost your impact.

Consistency and persistence drive and power impact.

Working with youth taught me how to optimize my impact on others. As a leader, you, can have that same direct influence and create a climate to assist your team to achieve their best. Time, rapport, consistency, and continual persistence will help you achieve a stellar leadership impact. Go out there a make a difference.